Gravitation

I Am You Possession

2009-07-31T13:16:00Z

I WANT TO POSSES YOU, YOUR HEART, YOUR EVERYTHING. I WANT TO CARVE OUT MY EXISTENCE IN YOUR LIFE AND GET YOU TO NOTICE ME. I WANT YOU TO FEEL MY PRESENCE, TO KNOW MY EMOTIONS THAT EVEN IF THESE EMOTIONS THAT WOULD EXTINGUISH SOME TIME, I STILL WANT YOU TO KNOW THEM AND FEEL THEM. FEEL ME.

I THOUGHT THAT IF I LOSE SIGHT OF YOU, I WOULD FORGET. FORGET YOU. BUT I WAS WRONG. EVEN IN YOUR ABSENCE, I STILL LONG FOR YOU. AND THE PAIN IN MY CHEST HURT MORE EVERY TIME I REMEMBER YOU.

YOUR KISS, YOUR CLOTHES, YOUR HAIR, YOUR FINGERS, YOU HAVE THIS SMELL ATTACHED TO YOU ALWAYS, AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY, LIKE I WAS SWOONING EVERY TIME YOU ARE NEAR. IT INTOXICATES ME, POSSES ME TO NO END. I DON'T THINK I WOULD EVER GET RID OF THIS NEW FOUND ADDICTION CALLED YOU. IT HOLDS ME, MY WHOLE BEING, ITS CLOSELY DRIVING ME INSANE WITH WANT AND NEED TO HAVE A TASTE, TO HAVE A LICK, TO HAVE A KISS, TO HAVE A SMELL OF THIS INTOXICATING APHRODISIAC CALLED YOU.

I HAVE DELUDED MYSELF COUNTLESS OF TIMES THAT I DON'T NEED YOU. BUT ONCE YOU WERE GONE, I WAS SO LOST AND DEVASTATED THAT THE TIME THAT WE'VE SPENT TOGETHER AND THE TIME WE'VE SPENT APART, AFFECTED MY WHOLE BEING MUCH MORE THAN ANY OTHER EVENT IN MY LIFE. YOU HAVE AFFECTED ME MORE THAN THE PEOPLE I'VE KNOWN FOR YEARS AND HAVE GREW UP WITH. YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME MUCH MORE THAN ANYONE WHO WAS IN MY WORLD COULD EVER COULD.

THE CALL OF YOUR VOICE IS MY EVERYTHING. MY COMMAND. I DON'T MIND IF YOU POSSES ME, MAKE ME YOURS. WHEN YOU CALLED ME, I HEARD YOU, IT WAS THE ONLY VOICE THAT I AM ATTUNE TO, AS IF IT REAWAKENS ALL MY SENSES, AND LIKE A COMPUTER I HAVE REBOOTED AND AWAITING YOUR NEW COMMANDS. NO MATTER WHERE I AM, I ALWAYS FIND MYSELF SEARCHING FOR YOU, AND I ALWAYS, YES, ALWAYS FIND MY WAY BACK TO YOU. I ALWAYS WANT TO BE BY YOUR SIDE, THERE'S NO OTHER PLACE I WOULD RATHER BE, THAN WITH YOU.

EVERYTHING ABOUT ME BELONGS TO YOU, I AM YOUR POSSESSION, MY EYES, LIPS, BODY, EVERYTHING ABOUT ME IS YOURS AND YOURS ALONE. I COULD NEVER BELONG TO ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU. AS IF THERE IS A STAMP ON MY FOREHEAD THAT SAYS I AM COPYRIGHTED ONLY TO BE USED BY YOU. MY VOICE, MY LIPS CAN ONLY CALL OUT YOUR NAME, MY VOCABULARY IS LIMITED, IT ONLY CONSIST OF WORDS THAT WOULD ONLY SING PRAISES TO YOU AND CATER TO YOU. AND MY HEART HAS ONLY ONE NAME CARVE AND ETCHED FOREVER WITH, AND THAT IS YOUR NAME ALONE. NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE SPACE IN IT, BECAUSE IT IS ALREADY FILLED UP AND OCCUPIED BY YOU ALONE. MY DESTINY IS CONTROLLED BY YOU AND YOU ALONE. I TRAVEL ONE AXIS, ONE PATH...I DON'T KNOW ANY OTHER ROUTE EXCEPT THE WAY THAT WOULD LEAD TO YOU.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD. EXCEPT THAT...I AM YOUR POSSESSION.

Goodbye To An Angel

2009-07-31T13:13:00Z

I REALLY DON'T KNOW YOU QUITE WELL. BUT YOUR SUDDEN PASSING BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES. YOU ARE LIKE A DAUGHTER TO ME AND KNOWING THAT MY ALEX HAD LOST HER BEST FRIEND SADDENS ME. I WAS IN SHOCK HEARING THE NEWS AND IT PROBABLY HURTS DOUBLY NOW TO YOUR PARENTS YOU LEFT BEHIND, ESPECIALLY YOUR MOM WHO WOULD PROBABLY CARRY THE GUILT FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.

KAYE. WATCH OVER ALEX WHEN YOU ARE UP THERE. I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE PRETTY CLOSE. I WISH I WAS THERE WHEN YOU AND YOUR MOM HAD AN ACCIDENT. I STILL COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE GONE. SO YOUNG. I GUESS, ALL ANGELS DIES YOUNG. I'M HAPPY THAT I STILL HAVE A MEMORY OF YOUR SMILING FACE THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU. AND YOU MUST HAVE GROWN UP TO BE A PRETTY YOUNG LADY THE SAME WITH MY DAUGHTER.

REST NOW. REST IN PEACE. WE WOULD PRAY FOR YOU AND HELP AND GUIDE YOU TO YOUR JOURNEY. REMEMBER THAT WE LOVE YOU. AND WE WOULD MISS YOU TERRIBLY NOW THAT YOU'RE GONE AND ALL THAT IS LEFT IS THE ECHO OF YOUR LAUGHTER, THE TINGLE OF YOUR SOFT VOICE AND THAT WONDERFUL SUNSHINE OF YOUR SMILE. SO LONG, KAYE. IT'S BETTER NOT TO SAY GOODBYE...MAYBE GOOD NIGHT. OR SEE YOU LATER. BECAUSE I KNOW NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE GOING YOU WOULD ALWAYS WATCH OVER US, ESPECIALLY MY VERY OWN ANGEL, AND YOUR BEST FRIEND.

GOOD NIGHT, KAYE. SEE YOU LATER.

Remembering You

2009-07-31T13:04:00Z

I don't know if you would get to read this, it would be a miracle if you do. That after all these years, decade after decade you happen to meet me again through this letter. A lot of things had happened, most of them are regrets. Regret for hurting you and losing you. You are one of the best things, the best happening that ever entered my life. And in one blink of an eye I destroyed it.

Why? Just because I'm lonely? Just because I couldn't stand being away from you? I made a lot of excuses that time in my life, most of them selfish. It's all me. And what happened, I got only myself to blame.

I have a new life now. A brand new page to add to my memories. And who would have thought that I have to dig up memories from old letters and photographs. It was an old hurt, I shouldn't be affected anymore by it. I shouldn't be hurt anymore from it but the first letter had me crying the minute I started reading it. Oh, gads. What have I done? Why did I do it? Going through them made me realize how stupid people could be. I have hurt you so badly. And along with that hurt, I know comes hate. That you hated me and it would live and follow me for the rest of my life.

As I read more of your letters to me, the more pain I felt, it was harder to breathe. I did this. I deserve this. It was amazing how much you had faith in me, how much you have loved me. This wonderful person who moved their world around me, I completely destroyed this person. You said I was wonderful and amazing, that I had loved so much, and had the patience to understand you, to draw you out of your shell. I should have left you there if I was going to hurt you. I shouldn't have violated and crowded you in your space. No matter how amazing you think I am, I hurt you. I made you lose faith in love. I made you withdraw back to the old shell that you had burrowed yourself in. I made you lose faith in me.

I know that the words I'm sorry is the most used up word that I have uttered to you a million times over, that no matter if I say them another million times more things would never change. The hurt wouldn't go away. It would never bring you back. But if you happen to read this. Allow me to say it again. That I do hope you are happy now. That I do hope you finally found someone else to love, someone who would treat you better than I ever did. Because no matter how you think I'm amazing back then, I was this sore loser who was selfish enough to hurt you. I'm so sorry. I hope someday you would find it in your heart to forgive me. But if you have forgotten about me, I won't blame you. I deserve it. You have unlock the door to your heart and let me in, and I left it wide open and trample all over your heart. I don't even deserve to be called your past love.

So if someone ask me who is amazing. I would say it was you. You are the amazing one and I was the luckiest person who happen to fall in love with you. Thank you for that chance. I may not get the chance again, I may not see you again. But allow me this moment to reminisce about the most wonderful person that have ever entered my life. You are one in a million, and I don't think I would ever meet another you in this lifetime.

Steal Away

2009-07-31T12:56:00Z

LOVE IS NOTHING MORE THAN A PERSUASIVE ILLUSION. IT'S LIKE A DRUG. IT'S JUST A TEMPORARY RELIEF THAT GETS YOU HIGH ONE MINUTE AND LOW THE NEXT. I'VE ALREADY PAID MY DUES FOR MY LESSONS, SO I'VE DECIDED TO AT LEAST BECOME A LITTLE WISER.

IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN ME TO GIVE YOU UP, SO DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK TO BEING GREEDY, I WON'T GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE AGAIN.

I HAVE OBEYED YOUR WORDS, AS IF THEY WERE WORD SPELL THAT I CANNOT UNDO AND CAN ONLY OBEY. I INDULGE EVERY WHIM THOSE SINFUL LIPS COMMANDS ME TO DO. I WRITHE AND DANCE UNDER YOUR EXPERT HANDS, I LET MY BODY BE TAINTED AND SATED TO THE POINT OF EXHAUSTION UNTIL I FEEL NOTHING. AND SURRENDERED TO NOTHINGNESS. I LET OUT CRIES OF PLEASURE AND CRIES OF PAIN, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. MY LIPS CALLING ONLY ONE NAME, LIKE A CHANT, MY SUTRA, I KEPT REPEATING UNTIL ITS THE ONLY WORD THAT PASSES MY LIPS.

HOW COULD I NOT SEE YOU...WHEN MY EYES COULD ONLY FOLLOW YOU? HOW CAN I NOT FEEL YOU...WHEN EVEN YOUR MERE PRESENCE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE MY HEART SKIP A BEAT.

AND NOW EVERYTHING IS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME, LIKE IT NEVER EXISTED BEFORE, LIKE WE NEVER EXISTED BEFORE. DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL THAT IS? HOW EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL IT IS TO GET UP EACH DAY AND TRY TO REMEMBER THAT I'M STILL PART OF THE LIVING, THAT EVEN IF HALF OF ME HAD BEEN COMPLETELY RIPPED OUT OF ME, I MUST GO ON. I MUST MOVE ON.

I NEVER KNEW A LIFE BEFORE WHEN THERE WAS NO YOU IN MY LIFE, AND NOW I'M FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO MANAGE EVEN THE SIMPLEST OF THINGS. THAT EVERYTHING AROUND ME HAS MEANING BECAUSE I HAVE YOU, BUT WHEN YOU'VE GONE, THE LIFE AROUND ME HAS ALSO MANAGED TO TURN GRAY. THE BED SEEMS BIG NOW WITH JUST ME SLEEPING IN IT. I HAVE TO CHANGE THE ANSWERING MACHINE WHICH HAS OUR VOICES IN IT, BUT SOMEHOW I DON'T WANT TO. AS IF HOLDING ON TO THE REMNANTS OF THE PERSON WHO HURT ME THE MOST.

I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. YOU WERE AND STILL ARE MY LIFE. BUT I GUESS, FOR YOU THAT'S NO LONGER POSSIBLE, BECAUSE EVEN BEFORE THE HEAT OF THE PLACE WHERE I USE TO FILL TURN COLD, SOMEONE HAS ALREADY TAKEN MY PLACE, EVEN LONG BEFORE I EVEN VACATED IT. I KNEW FROM THE START NOTHING LAST FOREVER, THAT PEOPLE KEPT TELLING YOU OR ME, THAT WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE THAT ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, ONE OF US WOULD DECIDE TO LEAVE. AND YOU DID. TWO YEARS. SIGH. THIS WAS OUR THIRD YEAR. NOW I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE REST OF THE YEARS ALONE. I DON'T THINK I CAN MANAGE TO GET INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP AND END UP WITH THESE FEELINGS AGAIN. I'M GETTING OLD FOR THIS KIND OF STUFF.

IT'S LONELY LIKE THIS. AND THERE WERE TIMES THAT I FIND MYSELF RE-LIVING OUR TIMES, REMEMBERING YOU. YOU CANNOT FORGET SOMEONE WHO HAD BEEN THE FOCAL POINT OF YOUR LIFE. YOU WERE MY CENTER, MY AXIS, MY PATH...MY EVERYTHING. NOW I HAVE TO MAKE IT ALL THROUGH EVERYTHING ALL BY MYSELF, CREATE MY OWN PATH, FOLLOW MY OWN ROAD.ITS GOING TO BE TOUGH, DIFFICULT. BUT ITS SOMETHING THAT IS NOT ALIEN TO ME, I HAD BEEN THROUGH THIS ROAD BEFORE, AND I KNEW IT LIKE I KNEW THE BACK OF MY HAND. IT WOULD BE AWHILE. IT MAY EVEN TAKE YEARS BEFORE I GET BACK TO NORMAL AGAIN. BUT...SIGH. THAT'S LIFE, I GUESS.

NO, I WON'T FORGET. SOME PEOPLE WOULD SAY I SHOULD. BUT NO, I WON'T. YOU ARE MY BREATH, MY EVERY SIGH, MY EYES COULD ONLY LOOK AT YOU, MY SKIN COULD ONLY REMEMBERS YOUR TOUCH. THAT IS SOMETHING YOU COULD NEVER FORGET. ITS LIKE THE SAME AS FORGETTING MY OWN EXISTENCE. I WOULD REMEMBER AND ACCEPT. THAT ONCE IN MY LIFE, I HAD MY EVERYTHING. AND MY EVERYTHING HAD FOUND SOMEONE NEW.

All That Is Left

2009-07-31T12:42:00Z

I HAD KNOWN YOU FOR A LONG TIME, AND I THOUGHT I WOULD KNOW YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. BUT THINGS CHANGED. AND NOW YOU'RE GONE. IT HURTS TO KEEP SEEING YOU WHEN YOU ARE IGNORING ME. SO I SAID MY GOODBYES. BUT YOU TOLD ME YOU WILL BE SAD WHEN I'M GONE. BUT HOW COME THE PLACE I USE TO OCCUPY BELONGS TO SOMEBODY ELSE NOW? THE SMILE THAT USED TO BE EXCLUSIVELY FOR ME IS DIRECTED TO SOMEONE ELSE OTHER THAN ME, THOSE WORDS THAT YOU ECHOED OVER AND OVER AGAIN THAT MEANT ONLY FOR ME IS NOW BEING SAID TO SOMEONE NOT ME.

ALL I KNOW IS YOU, ALL I DREAM OF IS YOU. DO I LOVE YOU? DO YOU LOVE ME? EVERYDAY, EVERY NIGHT, YOU FILL MY SENSES LIKE AIR, LIKE BLOOD. I HAD CRIED NIGHT AFTER NIGHT IN SEARCH OF MY MEANING, MY TRUE SELF. MY HEART IS HEAVY WITH DESPERATION, CAN YOU UNDERSTAND? I KNOW NOTHING OF MYSELF OTHER THAN THE ME WHEN I AM WITH YOU.

HAVE I DONE SOMETHING WRONG? HAVE I SAID SOMETHING WRONG TO MAKE YOU LOSE FAITH IN ME? I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. YOU SAID I AM YOUR LIFE. AND NOTHING WOULD BE THE SAME WITHOUT ME. BUT I FOUND YOU WITH SOMEONE ELSE IN YOUR LIFE OTHER THAN ME. SOMEONE WHO TOOK AWAY YOUR SMILE, SOMEONE WHO TOOK AWAY ALL THE STUFF THAT USED TO BE MINE...YOUR SMILE, YOUR LAUGH, YOUR CARESS, YOUR HUGS, YOUR KISSES, YOUR VOICE...AND ALSO TOOK ALL THE YOU I HAVE KNOWN, SNATCHED AWAY, STOLEN LIKE A THIEF IN THE NIGHT. DID YOU ALLOW IT? DID YOU LET THEM TAKE YOU WITHOUT THINKING OF ME? HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME?

I BELIEVE YOU DID. YOU FORGOT. ALL ABOUT ME. ALL ABOUT YOU AND ME. I AM NOT EVEN A MEMORY, AND JUST A GLIMMER LEFT OF MY EXISTENCE IN YOUR LIFE. HOW SAD THAT IT COULD BE THAT WAY. THAT YOU LET SOMEONE TAKE MY PLACE. THAT YOU LET SOMEONE STEAL YOU AWAY FROM ME.

JUST LET ME GO. PLEASE. I BEG OF YOU. JUST LET ME GO, AND LET ME LEAVE. RELEASE ME FROM YOUR EMBRACE, RELEASE ME FROM YOUR TOUCH, RELEASE MY HEART THAT WHICH YOU HOLD. SET ME FREE, I BEG THEE. I'M NO LONGER HAPPY FROM THIS COLD PLACE YOU LEFT ME IN. I AM NO LONGER THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE THAT YOU ONCE HOLD. I AM JUST NOTHING. NO ONE. NO ONE THAT YOU HOLD DEAR. SO WHAT GOOD WOULD IT BE IF I STAYED? EVEN IF YOU BEG, WHAT PURPOSE WOULD I SERVE IN YOUR LIFE, OTHER THAN THE SOMEONE THAT YOU USED TO LOVE? WHAT KIND OF EXISTENCE WOULD IT BE FOR ME, IF I AM NOTHING THAN SOMEONE THAT WAS THERE AND NOW GONE. I DON'T WANT THIS ANYMORE. AND SADLY, EVEN IF MY HEART IS STILL FILLED WITH YOU, I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE. THE YOU AND THE ME THAT WAS THEN IS NOW GONE, GONE ALONG WITH THE SHIFTING SAND ON A BEACH, ALONG WITH YESTERDAY'S SUNSET, GONE ALONG WITH THE FADED SCRIBBLES ON A WORN CRUMPLED PAPER. THAT IS ALL THAT IS LEFT. AND I KNOW MY MEANING IS THE SAME AS IT LEFT. JUST A GLIMMER, AN ECHO OF A PAST LONG FORGOTTEN. SO CLOSE THE BOOK, MY LOVE. THE STORY OF YOU AND I HAD ENDED. PUT IT BACK IN ITS OLD PLACE. AND IF SOMEHOW, YOU FOUND THAT OLD MEMORY THAT WE USED TO SHARE. PICK ME UP AGAIN, AND LET'S START A NEW CHAPTER TOGETHER.

Something Called Love

2009-07-31T11:29:00Z

How could anyone love so much? How could a human body endure such pain? How could a heart love and give love so much? Tell me why? Are humans really stupid when it comes to love? Are we really blind, deaf and mute, stupid and dense when it comes to certain affliction called love? You will curse the whole world, defy gravity and life just for that. Just for one feeling that you cannot shake, that you cannot forget, that you cannot fathom...why? I don't think even Einstein can help you, 'cause it even defies gravity, not even Bethoven can find the notes for you to play, its been played in different version since time immemorial, no, not even Sidney Sheldon can find the right romance novel for you, its all over history, even in papyrus, using different forms, hieroglyphics or even alibata or sign language and smoke signals, it is translated and transcribed in all shapes, language and forms. Even all form of creatures know what it is and how to express it. It's been written, recorded since the first man. So it will always be here...its something unexplainable, it is something that will always be there no matter what, whether you acknowledge it or not. Whether you like it or not. It is there like the sky has always been there, it is there like you knowing night would fall when the sun comes down. Its one of the things that you often wonder why it exist. It is there, and it will always be...love.

The Past That Bind Us

2008-10-08T00:34:00Z

All I need is you. Your smiling face, your sweet words…that is all my heart needs to make me last through out the day. Just the thought of you makes me smile and sigh and say to myself I’m glad I have you.

There may not be enough words, or sometimes it feels like everything is one sided. Still I don’t care. I would hold on to everything that you would cast my way. Though at times, it seems on the surface you don’t really care. I wouldn’t need the world just as long as I have you. You are the only one that can completely make me happy. You are the only that makes me cross through time just to be with you. I would keep on searching for all the different you’s that I will get to meet in each passing time that you get to be reborn. And no matter how different you may look, sound, feel or person, to me, you will always be my Takaya, for all the times, for all the place, from this time to the next, I will love each and every different you I encounter. People say you come to love not by finding the perfect person but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. I have come to see through the invisible barrier you put up, and no matter how many illusion spells or enchantment you cast, I see you. I see the real you, Takaya…my Lord Kagetora. They often wonder what I see in you, that no matter the time or the place, or how many times you get to be reborn, each and every new lord I meet still bears a resemblance of the old you. Those rude remarks, the cold and aloof persona, all of these things are what really is precious to me. They may find it odd, or call you imperfect. But to me, this is the Takaya that I love. And though there are chosen few moments that I see the rare side of you, that laugh, smile or kind words, those are the treasures that I keep stored for all the me that gets to be reborn, the me that follows you through time, the me that loves you despite of all the you’s that resembles the you of old. This is what makes me complete. The Naoe of here and now, that loves the Takaya of then and when. It may not make sense or it may be confusing. But all I know is I love you. For all times, for all moments, and I will love you for all the future and the days that lies ahead. I will always, always be…one step behind, all you need to do is look back, and I’m there.

“I don’t want to love you because of who I am in the past, I don’t want to be with you because it is written somewhere that I need to be. The Kagetora you know and love is in the past, it is not me and can never be me. You are harboring these feelings for the wrong person. And I’m sorry I can’t accept it.” Takaya said.

Takaya had finally revealed his innermost thoughts and this is what he’s got to say to me. I remained silent. Finally realized the reason why he agreed to go with me alone on this trip so we can really talk.

“I don’t believe in all those bunch of crap you were telling me of my former life, my former self. Sure, I have powers, you have proven that. Yes, I have flashbacks of someone else’s memories, of someone who looks like me. They often say we do have a double somewhere, they could be in the same time as we are but probably in another place or you might have missed your doppelganger a minute or a second ago then you would have come face to face with yourself.” Takaya said.

All the while he was talking he was looking down, he wasn’t even glancing my way, as if I wasn’t there. And it hurts more. I would take back the old Takaya any time, the rude and crass boy I have come to know and love.

Takaya stood up and grabbed his jacket. “The adventure ends here, Naoe. This is the last time we would be together again. I’m going to live my life as I want and not be swayed by anything or anyone that is connected to my past, or my past life. I am cutting the link. I am severing the past that binds us. Good bye, Naoe. I wish I would have met you differently, then maybe I could have really fallen in love with you. Then maybe you could have fallen in love with just a boy named Takaya Ohgi. Please don’t try to contact me or any of my friends and family, if you really are in love with me, you would give me that.” Takaya said, he walked to the door, and left.

When the door to the motel room close, it felt it has closed for all eternity that no matter how many times I knocked on it, the person I had been waiting for to answer would be gone. That my calls would be unanswered that no matter how much I wait for him to come back, he isn’t coming. That no matter how long I stay, that door would be sealed for all eternity.

I knew then that this time he really means it. That he really didn’t want to see me anymore. He had been so different from the Takaya I have first met, the Takaya that resembles the old Kagetora.

For the past week of blissful heaven, Takaya agreed to go on the hunting trip with me to follow leads about the Hojo clan. He was laughing and smiling. He even allowed me to kiss him once. But I held myself back and didn’t push it. I was hoping that after this trip things would be different. That we would be different. That finally I can have him in this life time. But I was so wrong. I can wait another hundreds of years until he is reborn again. But Takaya was right. It won’t be the same, it won’t be him. The Kagetora that I have loved then, was not Takaya. My lord Kagetora has only hate in his heart, and he would never ever forgive me for what I had done to him. The Takaya of now had been kinder. He had decided to walk away and forget that we ever met.

I went back to the temple and arranged everything to pass it on to another heir, even all my duties, the house, the life of Yoshiaki Tachibana. I went away. Even if I die and get to be reborn again. I will turn my back on this life. I have finally ended my search. I have finally ended running after a man who don’t want to be chased, I have finally stopped looking for a man who doesn’t want to be found. I have finally stopped loving a man who will never ever love me. Yes, Takaya. Good bye.

Years had gone, even decades, I lost count. I had lost contact with Ayako and Chiaki. I had moved to America, studied to be a doctor. And with the other degrees that I have achieved, it was easy for me to just continue it.

Now, I’m just a regular intern in one of the hospitals in New York. I work the emergency care, it keeps me busy and functioning so I won’t have time to dwell on the past and my past life. In time, I had forgotten that I ever was Yoshiaki Tachibana, that I used to belong to the feudal era of Japan. That I have loved my master Kagetora Uesugi. Now I’m just Dr. Naoe Nabutsana, I have a cat and owns two condo units, one of them I lease out mostly to students from nearby universities.

“Doctor, we need your help!” one of the nurses called the tall brooding doctor, as a rush of people from the emergency door flooded.

I run after her to see what was wrong, they say it was a boy from the university, an accident in one of the chemistry class, he put the wrong dosage and the Bunsen burner exploded and almost blinded him. He also got cuts from the beakers when it showered him with shattered glass, some of the other students were also hurt but he was the one closes to the fire.

I stopped when I saw that said student. “Doctor, you’ve got to hurry, we need to check his vitals!” the nurse shouted, bring me back to reality.

Mechanically I attended to the victim he looked very much like Takaya Ohgi.

The other students were sent home after minor bruises. The one student was kept there for observation, we have to bandage his eyes to make sure we would be able to save it.

I was checking his charts. His name is the same, like some twisted nightmare that is haunting my quiet present, Takaya Ohgi. But this time he is nineteen, and an art student. No relatives. No sister. That part was different. Maybe they just have the same name, how many Takaya Ohgis are there in the world, that would happen to be an art student in New York? And who happen to be brought to the same hospital where I work. And to rubbed the wound raw, that they have to brought him on my shift and I have to be the attending physician. I wanted to give him to another doctor, but everyone else are fully booked at that moment. He had a minor concussion as the blast sent him flying and he hit his head pretty bad.

Kismet. Is there no God? Why is this happening to me? He didn’t want to see me. And I don’t want to be here when we remove the bandage to his eyes.

The covers shifted, I was surprised when a hand reached out and grabbed me. “Doctor?” he called.

I closed my eyes, I wanted to cry. I don’t want to answer him. The arm he was holding on to was shaking, I steeled myself. “Y-You’re going to be alright, you are in the hospital. We operated on your eyes, removed the shards of glass, I think we’ll be able to save your eyes.” I said, assuring him, patting his hand. I want to removed it but he held on, not letting go.

“Stay with me, I’m afraid of the dark.” Takaya said, gripping the arm tighter.

I made a sound at the back of my throat. “I-I will turn on the lights for you, I got rounds to do but I promise I will check on you again later.” I said.

“Please, doctor.” He pleaded, “Wait until I fall asleep.” He said.

“Alright.” I agreed to get him to let me go, “Go lie down.” I said, helping him back in bed, but still he won’t let go of my arm, making sure I won’t leave.

I watched him. The past that I thought I had left behind. The past that I wanted to forget. You don’t want me anymore, so how come its you who found me this time? Tears silently trails down my face. I find it difficult to breathe, my chest hurts. When he fell asleep, I got up.

“Good bye, Takaya.” I said, closing the door behind me.

I feigned sickness and took a leave from the hospital. I didn’t want to see him again. They told me that his eyesight was okay, that he would be discharged in a week’s time. I took that week and made sure I won’t be there when he leaves. It was just a chance meeting. I won’t let it happen again.

I was watching TV with my cat when the doorbell rang.

I stood immobile when I came face to face with him again.

He was smiling. Takaya was smiling. “Hi! I’m here about the studio apartment across the hall? The super said to ask you. Is it still available?” he asked.

I looked at him, to see if he was faking it. Or if his accident had given him a selective amnesia or he really doesn’t recognize me at all. I decided to pretend as well if he was playing a game to get back at me, I can play it too.

“Yes, it is, the rent is 3,500 per month, it’s fully furnished.” I said, still holding on to the door knob, not inviting him in.

“Doctor!” he said, and leaned forward to clamped me on the shoulder, I was shocked.

He laughed at my shocked face, “I recognized your voice, I’m your patient from the university, I begged you to stay with me when I woke in the middle of the night.” He explained.

“Oh. Yes. I remember now. Good to see that you are okay now.” I said flatly.

“Can I see the unit?” Takaya asked, smiling.

“Of course, give me a second.” I said, and walked to the counter to get the keys to next door. When I turned around he was already in my place, and was crouching down to play with the cat.

“Wow, is this place same as the one next door?” Takaya asked, grinning.

I was a little pissed, I wanted to drag him out. If he doesn’t remember or if he is faking it. I don’t care anymore. Maybe I understand it now, what Takaya was saying to me decades ago. I want my own life as well, not dictated by some unknown hand, not by fate, not by past. But I want to hold my future in my own hands, I want to run my own life, live it the way I want to.

“Yes, let’s go.” I said, simply.

I showed him the unit and he paid me cash upfront. I was a little surprise that a student have that a lot of money on him. I gave him the keys.

“Welcome to your new home.” I said, the receipt which I told myself I would just slipped it in his mailbox. I showed him where everything is, well, pointed to him where everything is. I don’t want to be with him so long.

After a week’s time, I developed a pattern of avoiding him, I timed my leaving the apartment so that I won’t be leaving at the same time or coming home and with him going out, or things like that. It had become such a pattern that I forgot that my Takaya Ohgi just live across from me. My Takaya? When did this boy became mine? But if I search inside myself, yes, he is mine. My home. Where my heart is. Because despite the fact that we drifted apart, I still left that part of me with him. That no matter how I try to act so indifferent, somewhere in the back of my mind or in the crevices of my heart, I still look for him. My soul cannot rest because he is my home. The only home I know. Links to everything about me. The home that I had built in my heart, forged and molded with love, patience and sacrifices, solidifying the foundation and when it was secure and protected from deceit and harm, I bestow it to him, for him to cherish and nourish. I thought after we parted, that somewhere along the way I would get it back. But I guess not. Because my home is nowhere else but him, my heart belongs to no one else but him, no matter what century, decade, time or place, no matter the changes, season or situation, name or title, it only knows one being…Takaya. Not Kagetora, but Takaya.

I for one never believed in fate or destiny. I am monk aside from a doctor and a former possessor. I possessed beings and named it as my own, but I haven’t changed for a number of decades, and Takaya is the same, after our parting. I thought I would not meet this Takaya again. I knew I was bound to meet my Lord Kagetora but not Takaya.

My anger to the boy had subsided over the months he had lived across from me, and we occasional talk when we happen to meet by accident at the gym, the mail room or chance upon each other at the coffee shop. On occasion still, he would managed to invite me to parties at his place, and I would go, for an hour or two.

I manage to meet the boy again, by accident this time. He looked so different, like there was something wrong with him, his eyes were puffy and red and he was swaying when he walked towards his apartment, I watched him for a minute as he fumbled with his keys. He was sobbing, I could hear him. I couldn’t help myself, I approached him.

“Takaya, is something wrong?” I asked, touching his shoulder.

He looked at me with his soulful eyes, he let out a sob and grabbed me for an embrace. He cried hard and almost collapse if I haven’t caught him. I brought him to my place and laid him on the bed. He was clutching a piece of paper. I pried it from his hand. It was a letter. It was from a hospital in Michigan. His mother died sometime during the night, she never recovered from a coma. I looked at him. And I felt his sadness, all my anger and wanting to stay away from him vanished right that moment. It seemed so childish now. That here is a nineteen year old boy who became a man over night. You could never tell that he was carrying that burden on his shoulder by the way he laugh and smile, how bright and bubbly he is. So much different from the sarcastic and dry humored Takaya of Japan. I pulled the covers around him, folded the letter and put it in his pocket, turned the lamp shade on before turning off the light, remembering he hates the dark. I sat there in the dark and watched him sleep. Pondering about fates and chanced meeting.

What am I going to do now? He is different. He is not the Takaya I know. Is this our second chance, second meeting? Is this the fate that he wanted? That I would fall in love with him and he would fall in love with me? But will he fall in love with me? I know I could, all he need to do is touch me and I am his.

He whimpered and I rushed to him, holding his hand. “Shhh…its alright, I am here. I will stay with you.” I said, gently.

“Naoe, hold me.” He begged. And right then and there, I fell in love with my Takaya all over again.

I left it to fate, as it started with an innocent kiss, then bodies molded and blend together in the dark, discovering nooks and crannies of each other’s bodies, fingers touched and caressed, lips kissed, skins touched. Two bodies meant to be together, made and molded for each other. We became one, calling each other’s name in the dark, filling each other’s need, healing old wounds and covering scars. I had forgot what we fought about, or have forgiven him, finally understanding what he meant back then. But this is not the same Takaya. This is the real one. The one that is meant for me. Does he have my heart? Does he have my home? But that time, I didn’t care. I was needed. And I needed him.

At first, the morning after, I thought he would move away from me. This is Takaya Ohgi after all. That no matter what form, he would always find a way to leave me. And I had resigned myself to forever following him.

“You think the earth revolves around you, do you?” he asked, so much like the sarcastic Takaya back in Japan, as we lay in bed, he had pulled away. But I persisted and held him tighter.

“Yes, you’re my only moon. My home. I cannot break away from my gravity, I traveled in one axis alone. And that is you, you are my course, my charts are only set to find you.” I replied as I nuzzled my head under his chin.

He sighed, touching my hair, “Your hair became wet.” He said.

“It’s wet. Because like the moon’s gravitational force controls earth’s high and low tides, you also controls my emotions.” I replied.

“Sweet talker, are you now, Dr. Naoe? You should be a poet.” He said, with a chuckle. He let out a sigh.

And shyly, he pulled me close, “Could you by any chance be available to go to Michigan with me? I would like to introduce you to my family.” He said, in a small voice.

“Of course, no place I would rather be than with you.” I said.
As the memories that would link us in the past were taken away from me, in their place were new memories, and new home, that would help me root my foundation more securely, this is the home that I would never ever leave.

Owari

I Miss You

2008-10-07T18:14:00Z

I MISS YOU...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG AND WHY YOU DISAPPEARED. I WISH I COULD BRING YOU BACK AND BRING BACK WHAT WE HAD. I ONLY HAVE FEW FRIENDS. CHOSEN FRIENDS. I DON'T MIND LOSING SOME. BUT I MIND LOSING YOU. BECAUSE WHEN YOU'VE GONE, AS IF I GOT NOTHING LEFT. BECAUSE WHEN YOU'VE GONE YOU'VE TAKEN PART OF ME WITH YOU. A PART OF ME I CANNOT REPLACE. THE SAME WAY I CANNOT REPLACE YOU. YOU, WHO MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. AND NOW THAT YOU'RE GONE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I NEED TO GO WITH MY LIFE BUT WHAT'S THE POINT WHEN THE REASON OF MY EXISTENCE IS YOU AND WHEN YOU'VE GONE, I GOT NO REASON TO LIVE FOR. YOU ARE MY LIFE, AND MY REASON.

PLEASE COME BACK. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION WITHOUT YOU. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN BE MYSELF AGAIN WITHOUT YOU.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS. THAT IS THE ONLY FEELING LEFT SINCE YOU'VE GONE.

My Dog Yuki

2008-09-02T19:15:00Z

MOM, I'M COLD. COULDN'T FIND HIM. THEN I SNEAKED A PEEK AND THERE HE IS SNUGGLED INSIDE MY PILLOW! BECAUSE THE COMFORTER IS ALL LAID OUT, HE CAN'T BURROW IN SO OPT FOR THE PILLOW CASE. HEHE ^_^

HIDING FROM MOMMY -SADAKO STYLE-

WATCHA DOING, JAY?

THIS IS MY "GIVE ME SOME LOOK" IS IT WORKING?

MOMMY IS SICK, GIVING HER SOME LOVE ^_^

YEP, THIS DOG IS THE MAN OF THE HOUSE

HIDEE-HOOO!!!

SHHH! I'M SLEEPING

Rick Springfield In Concert!

2008-09-02T19:05:00Z

THE AWESOME AND UTTERLY SWEET RICK SPRINGFIELD IN PALM SPRINGS!!!! Woohhooo!!! I get to meet him and watch him in action!

The Pictures

2008-09-02T18:30:00Z

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This 2nd place winning story for Give Me Passion's Quoted Writing Contest at Y! Gallery. This is my original fiction.

I’m pathetic. Who am I fooling that when I run away when I get back you’re still going to be there. I must have lied to myself a lot of times that I can’t tell which is pretend which is real.

I hate this house. I hate everything about it. Because everything in it has a little bit of you in it. And I can’t move. I have to live here with all our memories and your ghost haunting the place.

Why can’t it work? Why can’t you have her and me at the same time? Why did you choose her when you said you love me more? Can’t we at least give it a try? Can’t we go back to what we were before all of these things happened? I want it back. Take it back. Take back what you stole from me. My happiness…my everything….you.

You won’t sleep with me because you said you don’t want to ruin our relationship. But you go out each night, fuck every guy and girl so randomly sometimes you confuse yourself when you come home to me. What am I then? Your landlord? Your keeper? You won’t even kiss me.

Why do I put up with all of this shit? How did I ever fall for someone like you? We kissed only once and I followed you home, and never left your side ever since.

I hate the smell of that minty flavor after shave that you use; it hangs in the air in the bathroom even hours after you’ve gone. I hate all the plants that you bring home. There’s one in the bathroom and it’s so over grown, I wouldn’t be surprise if I find someone living in there or there is a jungle within the leaves.

The stray cat that you brought home had been begging me for food everyday as if it has a right to be here. Pathetic loser. That’s what I call myself. Every time someone asked me if I have someone, I always reply, sort of. And when they pushed, I would add, it’s complicated. WTF is that, they often ask me. What kind of answer is that?

I have a lover. His name is Jerome. But we don’t act like lovers. But we live together. We live together for five years and then one day he came home and told me he is moving out. That he is getting married. We had a huge fight, we end up kissing, and things got out of hand. I left and when I got back he is gone.

I didn’t have anyone after that. I pretended that you were just out every time I think of you and start missing you. I pretended that its one of your usual mood swings but you would come home eventually and tell me that it was a joke. And then we would take our relationship to the next level after five years of celibacy from each other. Hell, Jerome. If I wanted to abstain myself from having sex I would have become a priest. I wanted sex. I wanted you. I didn’t push, I didn’t beg. I had been patient for five years; I wanted to prove to you that I can love you even without that, that it’s not important to me just as long as I have you, that I can be with you. But what went wrong? Where did you go? Why did you leave me?

“Hello?”

“Yes? Who is it?”

“Is this Kyoji?”

“Yes, who wants to know?” It’s a woman. Who could it be?

“It’s Kana. Jerome’s wife.” She replied. Click.

Why? Why is she calling me? Did Jerome tell her about me? Then why? I haven’t seen Jerome for two years now. So if Jerome is messing around why would she call me? Oh, God.

The phone rang again. I ignored it. It must have ringed ten times when it finally stopped. She kept on calling for five days, keep leaving me messages needing to talk to me, wanting to talk to me.

What do you want from me? You have Jerome, right? He married you. Why are you bugging me? Leave me alone. I had moved on. I may still be at the same place, the same job. But not because I’m still hoping that he would come back. I just don’t want to lose the things I have left.

This is all I have. You got the real thing. But this is all I have. Overgrown plants I can’t get myself to throw away, an annoying cat that had grown so big and attached to me even how much I ignore it. The minty scent in the bathroom had long since faded, although at times it has faint remnants of it when I steamed the bathroom too long. I had long changed the brand of my toothpaste. I redecorate the house, now it’s mostly my style, although all your books are still there, gathering dusts.

Why now? She left a very cryptic message that I decided to finally talk to her and get it over with. We met at the bar close to where I work.

“Mocha latte and diet coke.” She said to the waiter before I could say something. She smiled. “You still like Mocha latte, right?” she asked. I didn’t say anything. How did she know that?

I looked at her. So this is Kana. This is the girl that stole my Jerome away.

She smiled. “I’m a lesbian.” She said, leaning closer as if telling me a secret.

I laughed, “You could have fooled me.” I said.

“I paid Jerome to marry me to get myself out a difficult situation.” she said.

“What? A girl got you pregnant?” I said, and laughed at my own stupid joke. But she can see through me. She can see through me and know what I am and who I am.

“Jerome was right. You are everything he told me about. Mocha latte, how you put the salt shaker and pepper on the side even though you’re not going to use it. It’s a Wednesday, and there you are wearing your favorite mint green shirt.” She said, with a smile. She wasn’t mocking me. In fact her smile was sad.

“What the hell is this about anyway? I got no time for your stupid ego trip, so you know all those things about me, big deal.” I said, angrily about to get up. She put a hand on my hand to stop me.

“Please stay.” She said.

I sat down again. She smiled. “Thank you, Kyoji.”

I just looked away. Frozen, my mind was in a whirl waiting for her to tell me what is this about, what is it about Jerome that she wanted to talk to me about that she can’t say it over the phone.

“My parents loved me and accepted me as I am, my father has a business partner, and wanted to push a big contract, but the partner gave him a condition.” She began and looked at me. “Me.” She said.

I didn’t say anything and just continued looking at her.

“He wanted me to marry to his business partner’s son. But it’s complicated, the son is an asshole, a womanizer and a sadist, he was known to beat women up. That is probably why his father was scouting for a wife for his son.” She said. I remained stoic.

“I met Jerome in the bar, I was drunk as hell. My father came up with a solution, he also knows about the son. And he saved me from divulging my secret about my deviation. I have to find a husband. And that’s where Jerome came into the picture.” She said.

“Then how come he has to leave me?” I asked.

“The business partner was desperate, his son has took a liking to me too when he told him about me. So Jerome and I have to put up charade until the business partner and his son would leave me alone. You see, the partner already signed the contract even before my father had told him his reply. The partner was just making sure that everything is legit.” She said.

I sat there quietly. It only occurred to me just now that I never meant anything to Jerome. That money is more important to him than me. She took my hand again.

“He loved you; he loved you more than life. We spent nights talking, and he always talked about you, how you were, what he loved about you. He always has this look on his face, that I know he missed you. And there are times I was tempted to call you and asked you to move in with us so he would be happy again. He is so handsome when he smiles. But he stopped doing that when we had to live together. The last time I saw him really smile is when he came after he broke up with you.” She said.

I didn’t realize it. But I was crying. “He was so happy when he came to see me that night; he said he finally did it. That he didn’t hold himself back anymore. That he finally made love to you.” She was crying, too.

“You see, Kyoji. Jerome had always loved you. Although he has a weird way of showing it but he did. He was so angry with himself because he is a bum and you were supporting him. One of his reasons why he never slept with you or kisses you. He was so afraid to go that far and you would get tired of him and leave him.” Kana said.

“You little fool.” I cried even harder. “I don’t care about that, I don’t care if he just stayed home and never get a job, its not important to me, I love him and being with him is all that matters to me.”

“He took the money because of you. He took the deal because of you. And he died because of loving you.” She said.

I dropped the glass I was holding. “What? What did you say? Repeat what you said?” I demanded, shaking her. She cried harder.

I let her go; the waiter cleaned up the broken glass and brought me a new drink. We remained quiet for a few minutes. When she calmed down, she took something from her bag. It was pictures. It was pictures of me and Jerome. When we were goofing off, got drunk one night and started fooling around, we were buck naked and holding each other, hugging each other. It was one of those rare moments that we really acted as lovers.

“The son met one of Jerome’s friends at the club, and the friend told him that Jerome is gay and has a lover. The son came to the bar where Jerome works and abducted him. They interrogated him, tortured him. He didn’t squeal on you and on me. Good thing he left his wallet at home that day, or else the son would have found these pictures.” She said, and pushed them to me, and handed me Jerome’s wallet.

And she also pushed a big envelope. In it were money, stocks and bonds, all in my name. I looked at her confuse. “My father did everything to get that bastard behind bars. Jerome held on until we got him in the hospital. He held on longer to give me a key to his safe deposit box and tell me to give these to you. He said this time you will be proud of him. This time he can finally take care of you.” She cried, and looked at me, “Then he called your name and he closed his eyes for the last time.”

We held each other crying. Someone testified against the son and he got a life sentence for pre-meditated man slaughter.

We brought flowers and we both give each other a moment to say goodbye to Jerome.

Kana and I became friends after that. Not because we were attracted to each other but probably because we both love Jerome in our own different way. We held on to each other, so we can lean on each from losing that one person that connects us. Once in awhile Kana and I will hang out like kids, I would sleep over her house and she would sleep over my house. People often mistook us as lovers, we didn’t care. We are happy this way. We are sharing Jerome, immortalizing him with our memories of him. And keep each other from forgetting him. But I doubt we would forget him. No, not Jerome. Never Jerome.

“I asked Jerome once how do you know when the person is right for you, if there is a checklist of qualities a person should have to let you know they are the one.” She said, looking at me, we were lying down on the bed, after pigging out on ice cream, the cat on our feet, “He said, you come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. He said this by looking at your picture and he has this faraway smile on his face.”

We continued this ritual for years. Kana never found a girlfriend and I never hooked up with anybody. We both agreed we don’t need anyone else because we got each other. That we don’t need to be in love just to be happy. We still cling on to his ghost, even years have gone by, and he is what connects us. And every year, we would go to his grave and celebrate with him, all those occasions. Christmas, Valentines and yes, his birthday. We would bring food and beer and party. I’m sure wherever Jerome is right now, he is happy that we got each other. That we found the cure to our loneliness. I could never find another person like Jerome, and I’m sure Kana would agree with me. We may not love each other romantically, but because of fate, because of Jerome. I would never give her up; I would never have anyone else take her away from me. And I know she feels the same way like do.

I’m sure there should be a time that we need to say goodbye, let Jerome’s ghost rest in peace. That we should let him go, and so he can go on to his next life. Living sometimes is even painful than dying. Living a long life doesn’t mean much. Life is like a dream. I just happen to have a longer dream.

The next season Kana and I bought a house. We went to Jerome’s grave. We brought a seed to plant. We came to say goodbye to the love that brought us together. Jerome was the last person I want to bury in my heart, the one and only love that I would allow to live inside of me.

I never knew before why I was born. But I do now. Jerome was the proof that I ever existed. He is the proof of our lives. We will leave here but we won’t forget. This seed will grow and will lived on, that even though we are not here, we left ourselves in that seed so we will always be with Jerome for always. We will leave a little of ourselves with the one love that we will never ever forget.

Owari

ME AND JERRY

The Hunter And The Hunted

2008-09-02T16:23:00Z

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is 3rd place winner for the Give Me Passion's Quoted Writing Contest and the feature story for the month at y!gallery.

CATCHING A LION

I would be there for you. No matter how much you need me. No matter how much it hurts. I would always be there for you. I would bury my feelings inside myself, keep it hidden and forgotten until I forget that they ever existed. I had loved you all my life. And there is nothing in this world I won’t ever do than to love only you, Irvine.

Who would have thought that after all this time it would be only you to cause this heart of mine to function? I have always considered it just an organ and nothing more. It keeps me alive as long as it beats. Now it beats for something else, it beats for you. I feel an ache inside my chest each time I see you. Sometimes it’s hard for me to breathe each time you are close. And it takes a lot of my will power to restrain myself to do something stupid and forget that I am your leader and you are my second in command, my partner.

Partner. How I wish we are partners in a different level. Not something to do with blood, killing and gore. Although having you covering me makes me feel safe, that when I glance back in the sea of battle, there would be a tall, looming presence like an angel hovering over me. Your trench coat flying in the wind like they are your invisible wings, protecting me.

I don’t know how it began. I never knew it existed. I have always put different meaning to everything, like when our hands accidentally touch and I needed air to catch my breathe. I explained it as fatigue, after a long hard day at work. No one had ever taken the time before. And you don’t originally belong in this garden but in Galbadia. But, you made Balamb your second home.

Squall took a hologram from his day planner. It’s a picture of him and Irvine after they beat Ultimacia. After that dreaded mission, order was restored throughout the land and neighboring gardens. Now, all they do mostly is keeping in shape and do minimal mission work for their respective gardens. Although Irvine barely ever set foot in Galbadia again. Squall thought it’s probably because of Selphie, the cowboy had taken a liking to the little sprite of a girl. While he tried his best to maintain his role as Rinoa’s knight, but that fizzled out quickly when Rinoa started dating Seifer again. So all his role now is the commander of the garden.

A knock on the door awakened the lion from his reverie. Squall quickly hid the picture back in his planner.

“Hey, commander. Still busy?” The cowboy himself materialized behind the door.

Squall bowed his head, his mane of hair hiding the redness of his face, and then when he felt himself composed, he looked up, he is back to his commander mode.

“Kinneas, what’s up? I’m just finishing up.” I replied, clearing my throat. Irvine strolled in, his lazy gait led him to my desk and he slumped on the edge of the table right in front of me.

Irvine is the only person I know who has little respect for authority. Even his headmasters have a problem trying to control this wild man. Yet, this man also brings out all those feelings I never thought I have in me, I feel flustered whenever he is close. I feel a heat that I cannot fathom. I have the urge to grab him and take him down, posses him, tame him. Own him.

A hand clumped my shoulder, awakening me from my private thoughts. Irvine was leaning dangerous close, and his face is inches from me.

“Squall, are you alright, man? Did you hear what I said?” he asked, the hand pulling me close, and I closed my eyes, wondering if he was going to kiss me. I could feel his hot breathe on my collar. A manly musk of Balamb issued shampoo and Irvine’s after shave mixed with sweat washed over me like a tidal wave.

“Hey, Squall.” A voice inches from my ear whispered gently. I looked up, blinking, a slight gasp escaped my lips.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” I asked, a little flustered, my leather pants began to tighten for a bit, as I found myself, inches away from that Adonis-like features of Irvine Kinneas, the sniper nice young lady of Galbadia, my childhood best friend and now my partner and second in command.

“Man, you really need a break. Enough of this commander thing, come with me, I will show you ways to relax.” He said, as he stood up in his full height and pulled me to my feet.

I imagined he was going to hug me. I shook my head. I need to get away from this guy; he is doing stuff to my insides.

“Wait! I can’t just leave. I got stuff to finish, why don’t you take Zell or Selphie?” I said, a bit flustered, as I took a step back away from his overpowering presence.

He frowned and grabbed me in a half embrace, I let out a moan that luckily sounded like a grunt, and I almost collapsed on my knees if he wasn’t holding me. I grabbed for his arm, sensing I lost my feelings on my legs and it wouldn’t hold me up.

“That’s it, I’m taking you captive.” He said, half dragging and half carrying me out of my office.

He glared at Quistis on his way out, “I’m kidnapping the commander for the rest of the day, and he is not feeling well.” He stated not as a request but as a command.

Quistis looked at me helplessly, her mouth opening and closing like a guppy but she didn’t protest. Irvine carried me off to the training center. We grabbed lionheart on the way there while he grabbed his riffle in his room.

“I’m not in the mood for this, Kinneas.” I said, swinging lionheart and swiping a flying monster.

“I got tons of paperwork to do.” “That paperwork can wait, I need you today.” He said, smirking at me as he took a shot at a funguar monster. Squall was taken aback when Irvine said he was needed. He felt a tug at his heart.

“Alright. I’m here.” He said, putting more force into his attacks.

Irvine gave him a grin, “Don’t worry, I got your back. Always.” He said, patting Squall on the back as he took a shot a bomb monster.

They had ventured deeper into the training center and almost got lost from the debris and foliage there. Squall let his guard down when they decided to call it a day; he was bending to pick up one of his gloves when a death claw monster attacked him.

The monster had already sunk his talons on Squall’s shoulder before Irvine could blast away the monster. What they didn’t expect that the ricochets of bullets had loosen up some of the debris if Squall haven’t pulled him down on top of him.

“Look out!” Squall shouted as he pulled his best friend right on time as the empty cargo crate closed them in like a coffin, missing the cowboy’s head by inches; his Stetson knocked off his head and landed on the ground right beside the cargo debris that boxed them in.

The two men stared at each other for awhile, Irvine was lying on top of Squall, there isn’t any room to move, and in other words they are trapped. There was a little light and air coming from the holes on top of the metal cargo crate. Squall was breathing hard, his heart thumping on his chest, he thought that they are either dead now or in heaven somewhere.

“Are you alright? Did it hit you or anything?” Irvine asked, worried, trying to sit up but it wouldn’t accommodate his full height let alone sit up.

“I’m fine; did it hit your head?” Squall asked, he saw the metal give way and almost sliced Irvine’s head off if he didn’t pulled him in time.

“I’m fine.” He replied, and remembered the death claw had attacked Squall right before he shot it. “Let me see your shoulder, I’m going to pull your jacket off, bear with me, I can’t move much we’re trapped like this for awhile.” Irvine said, lifting himself with one arm, as Squall tried to shed off his jacket.

Irvine tried to fish out the bandana in his pocket. Squall felt Irvine’s hand rubbing itself on his leg, “Wha-What are you doing?” he asked, he almost squeaked.

“Relax. I’m trying to get my bandana from my pocket, you’re bleeding, we need to stop the bleeding before Quisty misses us and start looking for us.” He said. It was torture for Squall because Irvine picked the right time to do that while he is on top of him, and his arm is rubbing on sensitive places that Squall has no control over. He squeezed his eyes shut, panting.

Irvine got worried, “Does it hurt? Are you in pain?” he asked.

Squall could feel the heat creeping up his face, yes, I am in pain, and you are torturing me with what you are doing. Squall wanted to shot back at him but of course, Irvine wouldn’t know that his innocent gestures were doing some nasty things in Squall’s mind and body.

Squall shook his head slowly, not trusting himself to speak. “I’m fine. I think my leg is starting to fall asleep.” He said.

Irvine tried to tie the bandana around Squall’s shoulder. And moved around to move his weight away from the shorter man. Rubbing sensitive spot more dangerously, Squall gasped and he grabbed for Irvine’s shoulder to stop him from rubbing him between the legs.

“Gahhh!! Stop! Stop moving!” Squall said, panting.

Irvine looked at him quizzically, his arm brushed Squall’s chest and yes, brushed against Squall’s small buds. Squall is not only panting but sweating now. His body shaking from all the sensation he’s got no words for. Lust. He was lusting after his best friend, and that is not in Squall’s limited vocabulary of words, in fact, it’s not even listed as a choice of words.

“Are you okay, man?” Irvine asked, worriedly inching himself closer, feeling the man’s forehead. He felt warm. Squall didn’t reply. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to control back his composure.

“J-Just stop moving, Kinneas. You’re a bit heavy.” He said when he finally trusted himself to speak.

They were silent for a few minutes, when it dawned on Irvine what is Squall’s reaction all about. A hand ghost down the slender body of the lion and before Squall could react, Irvine cupped his growing erection.

“I’m flattered, commander, is this for me?” he asked, breathing down Squall’s neck.

“Whatever! You are moving and thrashing about, you keep rubbing yourself on me, I’m sure you are the same!” Squall spurt back angrily, and cupped the cowboy between his legs, too and yes, the man is as hard as a rod.

Irvine let out a breathe, fanning Squall’s neck with hot air. “Careful what you touch, commander, if that reacted you have to pay the consequences.” Irvine teased.

Tsk. “Yeah, right. You started it. Try it on Selphie.” He muttered.

But neither of them let go of each other, in fact, hands became busy as they rubbed each other.

“Y-You want it?” Irvine asked, his eyes glassy peering down on his commander, as he tried to shed off his coat.

Squall could only nod. He didn’t know why he nodded but he can’t stop it now or else he would go mad.

“Uhhnnn….” Irvine moaned, as his hand went inside Squall shirt, pulling it up, “Want to taste you.” He murmured.

“I’m not Selphie.” Squall said, letting out a hiss as Irvine’s mouth took his small bud in his mouth.

“I know you’re not. You are my lion. My only lion.” Irvine said, getting busy trying to undress Squall.

“What are you saying? You like me? How could that be? You’re the nice young lady from Galbadia; I’m not someone you can toy around, Kinneas. I thought we are friends.” Squall said a little hurt that Irvine could say those words to him to get what he wants.

Irvine stopped what he was doing and looked at Squall. “Why do you think I’m here, Squall? I’m from Galbadia but I moved here because you are here, to be by your side.” He said, brushing the hair from Squall’s eyes, tracing the faded scar on his forehead. “Yes, I used to flirt and play around but that is all I do, flirt. But, no one has ever been close. Not as close as you could ever get.” Irvine said, his long fingers traced the contours of Squall’s sexy mouth.

“What about Selphie?” Squall asked.

“She’s a player like me, but Selphie loves women and she likes Nida.” Irvine grinned.

“Nida? Our navigator? Woot!” Squall let out a low whistle.

“What about Rinoa? I thought you are her knight and all that shit, so how come she’s grinding it with Seifer all of a sudden?” he asked.

“It’s duty. I was chosen to protect the sorceress. Her knight, but she really is in love with Seifer all along even way before Ultimacia.” Squall replied.

Irvine traced Squall’s mouth again, leaning over to take a nibble, “Did you know why I told you I need you today?” he asked.

Squall let out a low moan. Shaking his head.

“I was planning to get you drunk and seduce you. But now that I got you trapped under me, I’m planning to have my way with you, by force or with consent. So what is it, commander? Do I have your consent?” Irvine said, rubbing himself between Squall’s legs, eliciting more breathy moans from the shorter man.

Irvine plunged his face on Squall, devouring his lips, “I guess, that’s a yes.” He whispered, hungrily kissing him hard, his hands all over him, wanting to touch and conquer everything about him. Squall’s head w

as reeling. He never realized or dreamed that he would end up with this situation, with the one person he thought he could only undress in his mind. And here he is, in the flesh, discarding every piece of clothing that would prevent him from touching skin. Irvine is as sexy as he imagined him to be. Those glorious locks when untied made him more sexy and desirable; no wonder every known species is after this fine specimen of a human.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Irvine asked when Squall began to breathe fast. His face was all red, his pupils dilated, his breathing was like his GF, Doomtrain, and he was hyperventilating.

“I want you NOW.” Squall said, in a clear, precise voice, it’s not a statement but a command.

Irvine grinned, as he discarded the last of the clothing hindering them from touching skin. “With pleasure, commander.” He replied, as he showed Squall why he was such an expert in all those “flirting” game.

How could one fall for another man? Squall wanted to ask, as he watched Irvine devour his body like a feast, taking his small buds in his mouth like a delicacy he had been waiting for. Making Squall squirm and squeal like a girl the way he used his tongue. Squall tilted his head back, his eyes rolling at the back of his head. Irvine sucked on his tiny buds, sucking and pinching them between his teeth until they are all red and hard.

“S-So good…” Squall moaned. Irvine watched him. He knew it all along but this is the first time he had seen how sexy Squall is up close. That stern face could be so handsome when it is unguarded like moments like this, writhing under him in pure pleasure. Muscles taut from the constant practice and training wielding lionheart like a scepter. He is the lion after all, the king of the jungle, and ever since they met at the orphanage, he had vowed he would make Squally the king of his heart. Rule everything about him, and make him his.

Squall shuddered when he felt a foreign finger teasing his entrance. “Relax, I would be gentle and slow.” Irvine murmured at the crook of his neck. Squall gripped his arms, a little frightened.

“You want me to stop?” he asked, although he knew he can’t stop now, he would force Squall if he has to or convince him somehow to agree.

Squall shook his head, but Irvine could still see that he was still a little hesitant.

“Ah, I know.” Irvine said, and reached for his coat and fished out a bottle.

“Why didn’t I think of this before? Its elixir. Its basically use for healing.” He flipped the top and undoes the bandage on Squall shoulder, it’s not a big cut but still they could never know if the monster has poisoned talons. He rubbed some of it on it, and in seconds the cut disappeared. Then he drank some.

Squall wondered if he was hurt and wasn’t just telling him, but he was surprised when Irvine scooted down his body and then he let out a yelp when he felt warm tongue covered with that liquid snaked inside his hole.

“Irv-ine.” Squall let out a moan, he never realized you could use that liquid as lube, and it was giving him strange sensation. Irvine probe, lick and suck on his tiny hole, Squall was mewling and moaning, his body writhing and dancing to the tune of lust Irvine had played for him.

When Irvine knew he was ready, he snaked his way back to Squall’s other head, and devoured his mouth, sharing some of the elixir with his commander, and when he aimed for his target with his human magnum, Squall was ready to take the shot.

“So tight.” Irvine hissed, trying to hold himself back so as not to rush his virgin lion.

“Hahhh….huff.…Irvy…ahhh…..” Squall moaned trying to maintain his composure being ridden by his best friend. Irvine touched his face, all sweaty now.

“Move, Kinneas!” Squall grunted. Irvine laughed,

“So demanding, my lion.” He said, and he speeds up a bit, and Squall moved with him, although he knew it got to be painful. They moved together as much as they can in that cramped, hot and dark space under the half piece of metal cargo crate that had boxed them in.

Squall was surprise when Irvine poured the rest of the elixir on his hand and took hold of his erection. “Bollocks!” Squall grunted when Irvine started to give him a hand job in time with his thrust. The liquid was giving him a strange sensation, a different high. Probably because it was meant for other use. But Irvine had cleverly used the healing elixir as a mild aphrodisiac.

“Come with me, Squall.” Irvine said, as he leaned closer and took a nip at Squall’s neck, his hand moving faster, Squall moved his hips in time with Irvine’s thrust, together they danced in frenzy. The monsters left in the training center had wondered about the sound coming from the box coffin that had suddenly appeared in the middle of their domain. It sounded like beasts mating, with all the moans and grunts. A lion was roaring and his hunter was right behind him in pursuit. They all scurried away when two human voices echoed with euphoria from the box thing in the middle of the foliage.

Squall and Irvine were panting, they are now sticky and sweaty from all the strenuous activity they had accomplished in a cramped and dark place.

Then they heard voices. “They couldn’t be here, Quisty.” Zell said in a doubtful voice.

“Well, where else they could have gone, no one reported the commander going out of the garden.” A whiny but authoritative voice of their former instructor complained. “Hey, I see Irvine’s hat!” Zell shouted excitedly. “Over there!”

The two mating beast scurried to get their clothes back on, they were half decent when a loud crash echoed in the training center and light blinded the two, Zell had ripped the door from its hinges.

“Quistis! I found-“ Zell began to shout when he stared at Irvine and Squall still in the motion of trying to get dressed.

Quistis smacked him on the head, “Don’t look, moron.” She reprimanded and slammed the door close again until the two finish dressing up.

Irvine and Squall crawled out of their haven, couldn’t look at their friends in the eye. Zell had a hero-worship look in his eye looking up to Irvine.

Squall swatted him on the head, “If you talk, chicken wuss, I’m going to sic the library girl after you.”

Zell sobbed, and run behind Quistis. “Meany Squally!”

Quistis was grinning like a Cheshire cat, “I see that you have found the healing that you needed since you’ve fallen ill, commander.”

Squall blushed beet red. Irvine gave her a wink, “Yes, I’m his cure after all.”

“Irvine!” Squall cried.

Zell volunteered to take their weapons to their room since they said they are on their way to the infirmary to check up on Squall’s shoulder. Quistis saw the blood on his shirt.

CATCHING A PREY

Irvine had expected changes with their relationship, now that they had taken one step further into their friendship. But, he realized that there are a lot of changes that he didn’t know about his friends. Most especially Squall, whom he had cherished most when he got left behind. They were all together in the orphanage, Seifer, Quistis, Zell, Squall and their big sister, Ellone. Seifer always picked on Squall, because Squall has always been the loner. Seifer’s lap dog is Zell; he follows Seifer around even though the bully always calls him chicken wuss. All of them forgot. The orphanage. Their friendship, everything. Except for Irvine.

He remembered everything. He remembered everything, how Squally would always cries quietly at night and call for his big sis who left the orphanage one day and never came back. Irvy, that’s what they call him back then, would always crawl into bed with him and pretended that he can’t sleep and was frightened of monsters under his bed, but all he was really doing was be there for Squall, to comfort him and hold him.

But the next day, he would be back on his bed before anyone notice and he would ignore Squall like nothing happened at nights. It became like a ritual. A secret. A bond that had linked them from that day till this day. Irvine had feelings for Squall ever since then.

Squall was at his desk when Irvine strolled in without knocking. He walks over to Squall and surprised him by leaning down and giving him a kiss.

Squall slapped him. “What are you doing, Kinneas?” he spat out angrily, papers flying all over the desk.

Irvine was shocked. He was sure he didn’t dream what happened between them. They had agreed to sleep in their respective rooms to avoid rumors. Quistis wouldn’t talk but they bribe Zell with all he can eat hotdogs to keep him from babbling and yes, to make sure that the library girl would be there to keep him on a tight rein.

“What’s wrong, babe?” he asked, surprised.

“Don’t babe me, Kinneas. I’m in the middle of a meeting with the president of Eshtar.” He said, seriously.

Irvine whirled around and saw the snickering president and Squall’s father, Laguna, and Kiros, Laguna’s advisor and friend, gave him a smile and a nod.

Irvine stood there, and blushed. Laguna stood up, “I think we need a break, commander.” And looked at Kiros, “Kiros, why don’t you take Irvine and have some coffee while I talk to my son.”

Kiros bowed and escorted the sniper outside. Irvine gave Squall one apologetic look before walking out. Squall couldn’t look at his father.

Laguna was still snickering that Squall slammed his hand on his desk in anger. “Stop that! You’re enjoying it, aren’t you, old man?”

“I’m sorry. I just never thought that Irvine could still blushed as red as that. I thought the man is so used to all flippant manners that he won’t be embarrassed by kissing his lover in front of his father-in-law.” Laguna said, with a chuckle.

“He is not my lover! And you are not his father-in-law! We are not anything!” Squall protested, slamming his fist again on his desk, papers flew about.

Laguna smirked, he liked teasing Squall, he knows that his son is not used to showing his feelings just like his mother. “Oh, I don’t think Irvine would act so familiar with you in that manner if he isn’t.” Laguna commented.

“For the last time, he is not my lover!” Squall said, exasperated.

Laguna patted him on the shoulder, “We’re going. Just don’t let him slipped away, Squall.” He said, and then looked back at him again, “You come to love not by finding the perfect person but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”

Squall remained silent. “Irvine might look that he is easy. But seeing him how he is when he is with you, I don’t think he gives his heart to anyone just as easy. He only has eyes for you.” Laguna stated before walking out the door.

Squall sat down again, gathering the papers when Irvine knocked and walked in uncertain, he stood by the door. “Commander, I’m sorry for my mischief, it’s unbecoming of an officer. I assure you it won’t happen again.” He said, seriously, and was about to walk out.

“Just a second, Irvy, we need to talk.” Squall said. He buzzed Quistis.

“Please hold all my calls and meetings. I just need an hour.” He said, still in his commander mode that Quistis knows that Squall means business and not pleasure.

Squall opened the collar of his uniform. He had dressed formally for the meeting. Irvine didn’t notice that at first when he walked in. He didn’t even notice all the other people in the room, just Squall.

Squall motioned for him to sit; he had poured them two glasses of scotch. Irvine tried hard not to fidget. Wondering if what he did would make Squall break up with him, not that they had agreed that they were seeing each other after what happened in the training center. Squall leaned on his desk in front of the cowboy as he handed him the other glass. Irvine gulped it down to give him some nerve to take whatever Squall has to say as a man.

“Do you remember sis? Ellone.” Squall asked looking at Irvine.

Irvine nodded.

“We are pretty close. She used to say that she can see the future, the past and the present. She can go back through time and predict what was going to happen. Time compression. That’s what she said it was.”

Irvine sat there quietly, trying to understand what Squall’s point was. Squall looked at him again, Squall looked so serious. So regal in his uniform. That he didn’t dare interrupt him.

“She used to say that every person has a destined partner. Each one of us is destined to one person in our lifetime. I'm looking for mine here. No matter how far I had gone, or how long I had been away. If I find this person, we would always meet somewhere somehow. And even if we are with our significant other, those deep feelings will remain. And those three words would only sound true if I say it to this person. My heart would not beat as strong; my eyes wouldn't water as much if it’s not my partner, because my heart, my words are only meant for this person. And if I meet this person, I had decided not to let them go. I would etch their name in my heart, to remind me that if I lose sight of my partner, they are out there, and their name in my heart would make me believe that they are the one.” Squall said.

He is not really the type of person that talked a lot or talks at all. But probably the liquor has loosened his tongue and made him talk like this, to Irvine. Or probably too, that what his father had said had hit home so he decided that he is not running away anymore. Not from his feelings and not from his destined partner.

“From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being. You are my destined partner, Irvine. The name that I have carved in my heart. That the words that I have kept locked away in the crevices of my mind are only meant for you.” He said, stood up and leaned closer to Irvine.

“I decided not to run away anymore, so if you’re willing to catch me, better not let me go.” He said, and kissed him. Irvine made a sound at the back of his throat, and his arms flew around his destined partner, deepening the kiss.

“I thought you were going to break up with me.” Irvine finally said, his eyes bright with fresh tears that were about to fall. Squall touched his face and smiled one of his rare smiles.

“Bollocks! How can I break up with you when we haven’t even agreed that we are seeing each other yet?” Squall said. Irvine looked at him uncertainly, “So what was that all about, your speech? Are you just drunk that you said all those crap for nothing?”

“Moron!” he cried, and hit him on the head, “Weren’t you even listening?” Irvine still stood there with his mouth open, “I still don’t get it.” He said.

Squall let out an exasperated sigh, “For a nice young lady, you could also be so slow, Kinneas.” He said, scratching his head. He pulled the sniper to him, until they are almost on top of the desk.

“We are finally official, Kinneas. Do you even want a written referendum to be read all over Balamb? Even dad approved highly of you, your new father-in-law.”

Irvine jumped him, and started undressing his commander, he was grinning from ear to ear, “In that case, let’s cast the first vote to make it official.”

When he got the commander undress, he quickly got rid of his clothes, he pressed the buzzer, “Quistis, the commander and I are writing a referendum and we would be casting votes, and please cancel all calls and meetings for the rest of the day.” He paused, “On second thought, arrange for a leave of absent.” He said.

“Yeah, right, cowboy, you are not the boss of me.” Quistis answered.

“Ms. Trepe, Kinneas has been officially been accepted into my family, even his new father-in-law approved of him so I’d be careful what you say to him. And yes, arranged for that leave of absent for both of us, we need to make arrangements to make this official.” Squall said.

There was a loud crash from the other end, there were shouts, cheers and woots from the other end of the line before it was cut off.

“Now, where were we?” Irvine slurred, he had undid his hair tie. And Squall watched him enthralled. The god Adonis, in all his splendid glory.

Irvine had downed the rest of Squall’s liquor, brown liquid poured down his lips and Squall followed the liquid trail as Irvine followed it with his fingers, tracing his nipples with the liquid then gripped his own manhood, spreading the rest of the liquor on his cock. Squall let a breathy moan, whimpering how hot and sexy Irvine looked now. Mine. All mine. This man is mine. My destined partner, my imperfect but utterly damn sexy partner. “Do you have elixir?” Irvine drawled. Squall nodded, not trusting himself to reply, and pointed stupidly on his discarded coat.

Irvine liked a cat slithered over and got the coat, crouching down, and Squall let out a squeak when he was shown the greatest spectacle that he had ever witnessed in his entire life, a sexy man doing a strip tease and a cat walk in his office.

Irvine opened the bottle, took a swig and walked over to Squall, and shared what was in his mouth while he slicked both their manhood with that instant aphrodisiac. Irvine captured both their manhood together in a tight embrace, and while they did some mouth exercise with their tongues, his hand was busy spreading precum and elixir all over their erections. Irvine slithered down Squall’s body and took him in his mouth, enjoying the taste of the elixir spiked with precum, Squall let out a squeal when Irvine took him all the way down his throat not fully swallowing his engorged member but his hot mouth plus the elixir almost made him cum. A finger teased his entrance, it went in easily when hours before there was something bigger that had plunged in that hole.

“Irvine…need…you…” Squall moaned, couldn’t stand anymore what Irvine was doing to his body.

But Irvine continued what he was doing. “f*** now!” Squall cried. Irvine chuckled; his mouth still around Squall, the vibration elicited another moan from his commander.

Irvine got up; withdraw the fingers from Squall’s hole. “I really have to tame you with your overpowering attitude, commander.” And before Squall could react, he speared him again with the human magnum. That made the lion of Balamb roar.

Owari

A Thousand Mornings With You

2008-06-17T17:52:00Z

It was yesterday one of my favorite aunt passed away and all the while I thought I would have a chance to see her again. I haven't seen here for a number of years. Up until now I can't bring myself to shed a tear...I can't seem to accept the fact that she is truly gone that she had move on without me. There is a pain in my chest that remains unbearable that I cannot comprehend. That everyone seemed to be moving on, or moving away without me. I felt like am in a stand still and life was passing me by. But I could never have survived this without you, my love. Each morning is a new day because you are there, helping me shine on and start a new day...a new chapter in my book of life. I look forward to each morning hearing your voice the minute I open my eyes, its a rite of passage...a ritual of love that each morning you would wake up to the sound of my voice and I would retire for the night with you as the last thought in my head. It was such a blow for me, that someone I love and held so dear had moved on. But because you are there...I can take my time and analyze my thoughts and feelings, that I could wait till I'm ready to cry and accept the fact that she is in better hands now. You had ease the pain somehow for letting me lean on you a little bit because I needed a shoulder and your arms are open still to accept me. Thank you for everything...for the thousand mornings I spend with you...and looking forward to another thousand more for the rest of my lifetime and the next....I love you...

ME AND SANDER