Remembering You
Why? Just because I'm lonely? Just because I couldn't stand being away from you? I made a lot of excuses that time in my life, most of them selfish. It's all me. And what happened, I got only myself to blame.
I have a new life now. A brand new page to add to my memories. And who would have thought that I have to dig up memories from old letters and photographs. It was an old hurt, I shouldn't be affected anymore by it. I shouldn't be hurt anymore from it but the first letter had me crying the minute I started reading it. Oh, gads. What have I done? Why did I do it? Going through them made me realize how stupid people could be. I have hurt you so badly. And along with that hurt, I know comes hate. That you hated me and it would live and follow me for the rest of my life.
As I read more of your letters to me, the more pain I felt, it was harder to breathe. I did this. I deserve this. It was amazing how much you had faith in me, how much you have loved me. This wonderful person who moved their world around me, I completely destroyed this person. You said I was wonderful and amazing, that I had loved so much, and had the patience to understand you, to draw you out of your shell. I should have left you there if I was going to hurt you. I shouldn't have violated and crowded you in your space. No matter how amazing you think I am, I hurt you. I made you lose faith in love. I made you withdraw back to the old shell that you had burrowed yourself in. I made you lose faith in me.
I know that the words I'm sorry is the most used up word that I have uttered to you a million times over, that no matter if I say them another million times more things would never change. The hurt wouldn't go away. It would never bring you back. But if you happen to read this. Allow me to say it again. That I do hope you are happy now. That I do hope you finally found someone else to love, someone who would treat you better than I ever did. Because no matter how you think I'm amazing back then, I was this sore loser who was selfish enough to hurt you. I'm so sorry. I hope someday you would find it in your heart to forgive me. But if you have forgotten about me, I won't blame you. I deserve it. You have unlock the door to your heart and let me in, and I left it wide open and trample all over your heart. I don't even deserve to be called your past love.
So if someone ask me who is amazing. I would say it was you. You are the amazing one and I was the luckiest person who happen to fall in love with you. Thank you for that chance. I may not get the chance again, I may not see you again. But allow me this moment to reminisce about the most wonderful person that have ever entered my life. You are one in a million, and I don't think I would ever meet another you in this lifetime.
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