There are one in million chances before I admit to him how much he means to me. Here I am pretending that am not going crazy thinking of him, wishing that he will give in and call. We often have fights, he was always the first one to say sorry even though it was my fault. And me, being the stubborn one, pretends that this little fight is not affecting me at all.

I must have drunk all the beer that I can consume, ate everything that I can get my hands on, watched all the DVDs, all the TV shows I could find, just to keep myself busy, smoked, probably two cartons of cigarette, I wouldn’t be surprised if I get diagnosed of lung cancer when I have my annual check up.

I walked to my laptop and booted it up, I laughed manically when his face loomed in my screen, if Shuichi sees this he’s gonna drop dead from where he stood, it’s his picture, he didn’t know I took it, it was our first date, I asked him to wait while I got something from the car, he didn’t know that am gonna get my zoom lens and take a picture of the most spectacular view I could ever find…my brat…smiling.

I slumped to the floor and cried. This time I’ve gone too far and pushed him away. Why do I always do that? Kick him out of the house when he gets to me? I crawled out of my study and climbed up the sofa, am getting a headache, probably from all the drinking and crying I had been doing.

I really can’t live without him. No matter how many times I tried to lie to myself, no matter how many times I deny it, the ache in chest tells me otherwise.

“I promise to you I would be nicer. I promise to you I won’t kick you anymore. Just come back, come home.” I said out loud, really wanting to say it to him, if only I can.

Shuichi is just actually at the park where they first met. He was really so pissed at Yuki this time, he had gone too far, this time he hurt himself when Yuki kicked him out of the house, he had twisted his ankle and he is now limping. And this time he snapped, he cried, I hate you to him several times. And that’s when Yuki screamed, I don’t want to see you again and slammed the door.

Shuichi saw a figure at the distance, blond hair, glistened by the moonlight, his heart warmed, thinking it was Yuki picking him up.

“Y-Yuki.” He called.

But it was a complete stranger who had dyed his hair and not even as handsome as Yuki. When the stranger just walked passed him and gave him a smirked, he remembered the first time they met. And he cried.

Yuki has always been like this ever since they met, this is his true nature, the same way he is this way, because this is how he is. Shuichi thought. He had loved Yuki ever since that first kiss and Yuki had never made any promises in their relationship, but Yuki never had turned him away whenever they make up after a fight or when they were separated a long time before, he always welcome him back, always have him back no matter what.

It’s probably half his fault why they always end up fighting, or Yuki would end up kicking him out of the house. Yuki is used to being alone, Yuki is used to living alone. Yuki had a troubled past that’s one of the reasons why he is not good with people or relationships, Shuichi grew up in a loving home, with family and friends, Yuki don’t have anyone, he had deserted his family long ago. But he bet Yuki is missing him now just as much as he is missing him.

It’s almost midnight. Yuki must be worried now. Their fights had never lasted this long. He wiped away his tears and got up, he would go home and apologize or just hold him. He is sure Yuki won’t say anything and just hold him, too.

He found the house in complete darkness. He opened the lights, and found him in the sofa. He padded toward him. Looked at the sleeping novelist. His face was dirty, he’d been crying, his shirt was a mess, he saw the beer cans all over the floor, and saw the DVDs lying all over the floor. He was about to put it away, not curious at all, thinking it was his videos of his favorite band but he kneeled on the remote control, and the TV turned on, and the video began to play, he heard his singing voice on screen. He dropped the case, and watched his very first concert at the club where he invited Yuki to come and watch. He taped it! He gathered all the other DVDs, they are his! It’s Yuki’s hand writing, he labeled and dated them all! He was crying this time, he did love me! He did love me! Shuichi wanted to shout at the top of his lungs. He gathered all of them and put them back in the case, and put them away where Yuki often tell him not to touch, that’s why, when he opened the compartment, he also discovered the scrapbooks that Yuki made of his concerts, publicities and write ups. He put them away. And crawled to older man sleeping on the couch. He kissed him, Yuki groaned, “Shuichi.” He called out sleepily and went back to sleep, turning to his side. Shuichi could almost feel his heart bursting.

He got up and ran to the bathroom, grab a towel and run under the water and quickly got a fresh shirt from the closet and rush back to the living room. He wipe the smudges on Yuki’s face. Yuki groaned and opened his eyes.

“B-Brat?” he asked, and groaned when he tried to get up. Shuichi helped lie back down.

“Yes, its me Yuki.” He said, and continued to wipe his face clean and unbutton his shirt. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and let’s go to bed.”

When he helped the older man change his shirt, and helped him up, Yuki turned to him, when Yuki noticed that he was limping.

“Did I do that?” he asked gently.

“No, I did it, I’m sorry Yuki if sometimes I’m pest.” Shuichi said, smiling at him, helping him lie down on the bed.

“I’m sorry, too, if I pushed you too hard.” Yuki said, smiling at him, pulling him, to give him a kiss, Shuichi leaned down and let him touch his face.

“Come to bed, brat.” Yuki said, tugging at him. And when Shuichi laid down beside him, Yuki gathered him in his arms and held him tight. Whatever they fight about before, disappeared as Shuichi melted in his arms.